Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
