Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
