I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
