pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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