First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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