youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
