I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
