If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize