I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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