Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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