I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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