and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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