Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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