He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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