The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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