Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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