Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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