Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
