you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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