We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
