I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
