Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
