This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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