Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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