Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
