I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
