i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
