come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
