I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
