One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
