I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
