How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
