i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
