She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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