Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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