i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
