Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You made me cry and you don't even care
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize