So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
