Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
