can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
