if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
