My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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