is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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