I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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