You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
