My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
