You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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