Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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