He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
