omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize