**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
