Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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