Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bring me that man meat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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