Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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