Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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