mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Congratulations! We have a period
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
