Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
