I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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