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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
