Sober January is a disaster.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
