i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
