so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
