remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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