just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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