I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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