so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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