it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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