fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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