I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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