yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
