I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
