You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
