Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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