Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
