I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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