3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
