I cockslap morals
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
