can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
