Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
