Joe is yelling at the trees again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
