So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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