his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
