I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
