Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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