wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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