we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Barsexuality is the new black.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
not ubering you a puppy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
