my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
