Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
