I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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