youre lurking in front of me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize