Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Green mimosas i think yes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
