I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
