I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
