why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Houston, we have a blender
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
