Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
