'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
