lets start a swedish sibling band together
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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