shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
