I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
