You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Pooping to opera.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
