I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
