Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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