If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When are your genitals available?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
