Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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